Words are sexy! See: malarky. The other one I like is shanghai, a verb which means to compel someone into doing something by fraud or force, which originated with the former custom of kidnapping sailors to go to China.

Life is all about the productivity right now. Also, sleep. My greatest moment today came when I persuaded myself to get out of bed at 3.25PM, post-nap, immediately prior to class.

Thanksgiving: not very productive but still delicious. It’s good to be home even though things are so strained.

I’ve been trying to read Leviathan all day! My professor annotated the edition I’m using, and some of his notes are very sarcastic. This is probably the book’s only saving grace. I’m convinced that some of these classics should be summarized in Wikipedia and left to rot.

I’ve always loved fire. In middle school, I had a very juvenile identification with it, deeming myself a “fire” person to the exclusion of all other elements. My archaic Yahoo ID is still “firebird” and some numbers, like the Russian legend. Sometime in high school, the police, a park ranger, and several fire trucks caught my friend and I in the middle of the night, talking over a small fire we’d made in a metal plate. It was an inexplicable and sometimes embarassing fascination, and I think it defined many of my childhood memories.

My great-uncle’s apartment caught fire soon after my birthday. My great-uncle and great-aunt burned to death along with their spouses. It’s incomprehensible to me. I cried when my dad told me, and an hour later, awkwardly, during the mock trial team’s victory dinner. People were nice. I suppose I must be reacting normally, though it doesn’t feel that way. I keep telling friends about it, in response to innocent questions of are you okay, which probably isn’t fair, inflicting this random tragedy on them, too, it’s hug extortion, but it becomes more real every time I say it.

My mom got a visa in two hours and flew to Moscow as soon as she could. I wish I could go to the funeral, too. I used to have such a disdain for rituals, but I could use one right now. I spent today Photoshopping pictures for the funeral, finding even that small ritual comforting. I don’t know how to deal with this.

It’s surreal. Today I went to class, took notes, turned in an essay. It seems stupid to keep caring about things like that, about class. I feel like my rationality has been jarred loose.

Birthday chocolate distribution went well! Things are good. I especially like what my grandfather had to say about this watershed moment in my life:

You are turning 18, which is one of the most special milestones in human life. In many countries, girls and boys reaching 18 become officially “adults”, they are allowed to marry, to join army and legally kill people called “enemy”, to vote and get elected, they get full personal responsibility for their wrong doings and crimes. But all that has not much to do with you.

Am almost a real person today! Tomorrow I will become a legitimate member of society. We’re excited about this. I bought Hershey’s Hugs and other chocolate things to distribute, as per birthday tradition, only right now I am just eating them. My positive experiences of late have mostly involved food: the pitas place near Dobie is excellent, and the caramel apple encased in chocolate I had from Whole Foods was pretty much a religious experience. I miss that apple.

This week has been absurdly hectic and complex. Tomorrow I will be leaving for Waco at 2PM. This Baylor tournament is the last for a while, and I’m looking forward to resuscitating my expiring grades.

Finally, scarf weather!

Life is interesting right now, like the curse. Today I leave for Iowa at 7PM for a mock trial tournament. Hopefully, there will be internets in Iowa. I think mock trial is fantastic — I think it is making me a better person — but I did not anticipate the loss of my soul to this extent.

I think I may have effected an amicable breakup for the first time in my life. I view this as a personal accomplishment, though it’s possible that people in college are more reasonable as a rule.

Last night I went to see Ari Fleischer speak at the LBJ Auditorium. It was a bit like going to the zoo. To me, Fleischer is such a space oddity — I disagree with most of his opinions but I find him fascinating as the archetypal politician and press secretary. I took notes on his made-for-TV gestures. He did spend too much time rehashing stale, year-old talking points, however. I found the speech interesting but not agreeable, like Vietnamese food.

The mock trial tournament in Washington DC last weekend was completely great. I wish we’d had more (or any) time to be tourist-y, though. Otherwise, delicious. I did okay as a witness and am pretty chuffed about lawyering this weekend at the BAR tournament. I much prefer the lawyer role. My witness is a sixteen-year-old kidnapped girl named Bailey, who is weepy and no fun to play.

Currently I am combating droves of adware and spyware, which I accidentally installed while engaging in unsavory internet activities. It was an appallingly dumb thing to do. My new, beautiful laptop is now sad and encrusted with ads for online poker and complimentary ringtones. We have tried Spybot Search & Destroy and are now moving on to Ad-Aware SE. If this doesn’t work, the next recourse is to go cry on the doorstep of the CompSci boys downstairs until they take pity.

I got my little brother David to do Nanowrimo this year! He’s actually got the time, and I’m convinced it will be a formative experience. I think he’s going to show me up and actually finish his novel — he’s up to 4,000 words already. I’m torn between sisterly pride and feverish envy.