When I write I always have to resist the urge to zoom out and get things into perspective, because then I see that I’m just a silly troubled girl writing recycled words about things I think might affect other people, and then I just get cynical and empty and repetitive.

So Arman came over, and we wandered around and took photos. His are here. Look at us being trendy and nihilist! It was a good time.

We’re doing part of Cats (the musical) in English as a project. This is a terrible idea in lots of ways. We’re all going to have to sing. I was planning to avoid having to sing for at least the next forty years, at which point we’ll probably have nuked each other anyway, and no one will have vocal cords to speak of. It will probably be a little like this.

I’m only awake because West Wing was on at two. That show allows me to live vicariously in another United States with a liberal, tolerable president. Even the New Yorker has been beating on Bush lately, and this is surprising because usually they don’t admit to emotion. There was a recent cover of a blinkered Bush going all cowboy on a panicked horse. Go team! thought I.

I find mix CDs extremely hard to make. They’re just so complex. So much choice! I spent about an hour on a mix I’m calling ‘Love Songs for No One,’ (gacked from a quote, I think) and I don’t like it very much. Mixes fill me with misery.

No epiphanies today. You know, I really ought to stop using the word ‘today’ in this log altogether. My entries are boringly similar.

So today I was weirdly competent. Franzi and I are organizing the art exhibition at Bohemia West, which is the fundraiser for Frontage Roads. I am rushing around and stalking artist-types and gacking their art. It is all very empowering. Also, we may actually be able to get a poster made for about two dollars, which means we can make exorbitant amounts of money from it.

I’ve been oddly unhappy lately, but this should change soon. It’s not actually that odd, really — I can’t really justify being happy either. My solution to depression is to do a lot of stuff, so as to create the impression that I am relevant. Also, Arman is stopping by tomorrow. Whee. We’re going to talk philosophy and rock.

Yesterday was a really excruciating day. I think the chronic lack of sleep had something to do with it. I really was a wreck. I actually started making typos while speaking — leaving out letters and switching letters, that kind of thing. Then I went shopping for a dress, which was fun and made me feel girly and poor. Then there was a lot of sleep.

I’ve begun reading Prozac Nation, which is a way good book. It is of course full of angst, but it is not predictable angst like you might think. Instead, it is clever philosophical angst with lots of quotes from educated people to back it up.

Am now a rabid West Wing fan. Who knew foreign policy could be so much fun? I might have resented the general Good Guy-ness of the president, but he’s a liberal and so it’s okay.

Fall.

It’s about time for things to become fall-ish around here, but I don’t think Texas can do autumn. I think Texas is the least romantic place to live in the entire world, except for possibly Iowa. Actually, I think Iowa is a little bit romantic. There’s all that tasseled corn. Also, I think the quiet and complete insanity I am sure Iowa is full of is interesting.

I should do more stream-of-consciousness stuff here. My ideal is to start sounding like May Kasahara of A Wind-Up Bird Chronicle fame (by Haruki Marukami), which is maybe an unhealthy idea because she was really morbid and once threatened to kill herself by stuffing three tampons down her throat and drinking lots of water.

I thought I’d take down the godawful pretzel layout and put up something red and white, just for a little while until actual artistry kicks in. Didn’t work. Am not spontaneous either.

New stuff here, yo.

Life without parents has lost its charm somewhat. The house is covered with a fine layer of dust and grime, and things are fermenting on countertops. It’s pretty bad.

My backpack has disappeared into the darkness of the abyss. All of my stuff is in there! I can’t survive in this life without my stuff.

Yesterday was a day full of college vibes. I hung out with my cousin Ashot at a cafe and went shopping for secondhand clothes at Buffalo Exchange. The shirts I bought don’t smell like me. Inexplicably, I really enjoy this.

I think I’ve absorbed the cool incuriosity of college a little. It’s because my parents and brothers are in Hawaii this week, and Ashot and I have been been coexisting in a very low-pressure way. I’m hoping we don’t run out of food. We’re too lazy to cook, but we found some cheesecake, and that should last us a while.